When it comes to anti jokes, the humor is all in the lack of a punchline. In this post, you’ll find a variety of anti humor jokes that are so unfunny, they’re actually funny, from anti woke jokes to the best anti fat jokes. So, if you’re tired of classic punchlines, you’re in for a treat!
Jump To:
Short Anti Puns
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was the only contestant.
- Why did the chicken cross the playground? To avoid interacting with anyone.
- Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because they don’t have a driver’s license.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Wait for it to approach you. It’s really that simple.
- Why was the math book sad? It got lost in a library.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? Nothing comes to mind.
- How do you make a tissue dance? Just move it back and forth.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Gravity works everywhere.
- How do you make a bandstand? Ask politely.
- What’s a cow with no legs called? An issue that should be handled with care.
One-Liner Anti Jokes
- My dog has no nose. It’s completely normal, though.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked unimpressed.
- Light travels faster than sound, which explains why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.
- People say nothing is impossible, but I’ve been doing it for years.
- I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed really important to him.
- Parallel lines have so much in common—it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
- I bought a 12-month gym membership and have been twice. Guess that’s motivation enough.
- Some people believe the glass is half full. Others believe it’s half empty. I just want a drink.
- When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
- It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Funny Anti Jokes
A: Knock knock.
B: Who’s there?
A: Just me, standing here as usual.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because roads exist, and so does the concept of crossing.
I went to a seafood disco last night… And pulled a mussel. It’s not fun to think about.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They’re not interested in winning or losing.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replies, “For you? Full price.”
How do you make holy water? Boil it and then maybe don’t do anything with it.
I threw a boomerang years ago. Now I live in constant fear.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She might let it go… but also, she doesn’t exist.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Just, you know, regular cheese.
Why did the tomato turn red? It didn’t, but I like the way you think.
Genuinely Funny Anti Jokes
The teacher asked me what comes after “C.” I said “D.” She marked it wrong.
A man walked into a bar. He was supposed to meet someone there but left early.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They do; it’s just the atoms have no effect on trust.
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She wasn’t; that’s just a rumor.
What did one wall say to the other? “See you on the corner.”
Why don’t sharks eat clowns? They do, if they’re hungry.
A guy tried to sell me a coffin. I told him, “That’s the last thing I need.”
What’s green and sits in a corner? Nothing; you need to let your imagination go.
Why was the broom late to the meeting? It wasn’t late, just quietly annoyed.
I asked my wife to let me know when she’s done with the remote. She said, “I just turned it off.”
Anti Jokes Short Stories
The Lonely Chicken
One day, a chicken decided to cross the road. It made it to the other side, only to realize it forgot why it wanted to cross in the first place. Years later, it still reflects on that moment.
The Pizza That Wasn’t
A man ordered a pizza. He waited for hours, but it never arrived. He later realized he had never actually placed an order.
The Realist Magician
A magician told the audience he would make something disappear. He pulled out a hat, reached inside, and nothing came out. “Ta-da,” he said. No one clapped.
A Day at the Bank
A man walked into a bank and asked for some money. They gave it to him, and he went home. The end.
The Squirrel Who Didn’t Want Nuts
A squirrel spent years gathering nuts, only to realize it was allergic. It moved on to a different tree and started a new hobby.
The Fish Out of Water
A fish jumped out of the water, gasped for air, and immediately regretted it. It returned to the water, never to tell the tale.
The Phone Call
I called my friend, and they answered. We sat in silence for five minutes, each waiting for the other to speak. We both hung up.
The Forgetful Spy
A spy went on a mission but forgot the mission details. After days of wandering, he decided to return home.
The Misunderstood Banana
A banana sat on the counter for days, waiting to be eaten. Eventually, it was thrown away. Sometimes, life is just unfair.
The Bartender’s Tale
A bartender served drinks all night. Not one person said thank you. He went home, made his own drink, and nodded to himself in satisfaction.
Top Anti Anti Jokes
Why did the horse walk into the bar?
To have a drink. Horses need hydration, too.
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on paradoxes. The librarian hands him two copies and says,
“Both of these are the same.”
Why did the duck go to therapy?
To confront its issues with bread.
I asked my friend how he was doing.
He answered, “Good,” and walked away. It was straightforward but oddly comforting.
Anti Humor Jokes
A chicken walked into a bar. The bartender didn’t notice.
Why did the man sit on the couch?
It was there, and he was tired.
How do you make a sandwich?
With bread, fillings, and a small amount of patience.
What did the cat say to the dog?
Absolutely nothing. Cats and dogs don’t talk.
Why did the mushroom attend the party?
It was invited, and thought it would be rude to say no.
Best Anti Fat Jokes
Why don’t I trust my diet?
Because it’s always trying to change who I am.
Why did the gym membership break up with me?
It realized I was only in it for the free water bottles.
What do you call a workout you never started?
An idea.
Why did I bring salad to a burger cookout?
Because everyone loves variety – except maybe the salad.
Why did the chocolate refuse to join the diet plan?
Because it’s sweet enough just the way it is.
Anti Jokes Dark
Why did the vampire feel lonely?
Because he pushed everyone away, metaphorically.
What’s scarier than the monster under the bed?
Rent prices in major cities.
Why did the zombie start a new diet?
To keep things fresh.
How did the Grim Reaper spend his weekend?
Quietly, waiting for his next appointment.
Why did the ghost go to therapy?
It had lingering issues.
Anti Jew Jokes
Why did the rabbi walk into a bookstore?
To buy a book, like anyone else.
What’s the best thing about cultural diversity?
That people can see each other as individuals.
How do you make friends with people of different backgrounds?
By just being yourself.
What did one menorah say to the other?
“Stay lit,” like they do every year.
What’s the most universally liked dish?
A warm plate of understanding.
Anti Woke Jokes
Why did the activist cross the road?
To attend a scheduled rally, as planned.
Why did the coffee shop stop offering paper straws?
Because no one could figure out why they were soggy.
What’s more exhausting than being woke?
Finding a pair of matching socks every morning.
How many woke people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but it’s an environmentally friendly LED bulb.
Why did the tree hugger get tired?
Because trees don’t really need hugs.
Anti Chicken Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What’s the chicken’s favorite movie?
Anything with good egg-cellent reviews.
Why did the chicken apply for a loan?
It wanted to start a nest egg.
Why did the chicken stare at the phone?
Because it doesn’t have thumbs to use it.
What did the chicken say to the egg?
“See you at breakfast.”
Final Thoughts on Anti Jokes
These jokes are an art form of their own. They play with expectations and prove that sometimes, the absence of a punchline is what makes the joke work. Whether you enjoy, they all share the quirky charm of simplicity. They reveal the humor hidden in everyday absurdities and invite us to laugh without the need for a classic setup and punchline.
What’s Next?
For some humor on dinner, check out our article on anger jokes and puns. And if you’re in the mood for something funny about lotion, take a peek at addiction jokes and puns. Finally, get some giggles on baroque with Florida jokes and puns.
