99 Funniest Basketball Jokes & Puns You’ll Ever Read

Welcome to our blog post on basketball jokes, where you’re guaranteed three things: relentless puns, unexpected one-liners, and gut-busting short stories. Whether you’re a fan of Duke, Purdue, or just here for the fun, you’ll find something to tickle your funny bone. Prepare for laughter, groans, and maybe even a full-court press of humor that keeps you coming back for more.

One-Liner Basketball Jokes

1. Why did the basketball court get wet? Because the players kept dribbling on it!
2. I know a basketball player who does great standup. His punchlines are a real slam dunk!
3. What do you call a basketball player who misses the toilet? A three-pee-attempt fail!
4. Why don’t basketball players ever go on vacation? They would get called for traveling!
5. What do you call a pig who plays basketball? A ball hog!
6. How do basketball players stay cool? By sitting next to the fans!
7. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball!
8. What’s a basketball player’s favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
9. Why do basketball players love donuts? For the dunkin’!
10. What do you get if you cross a basketball with a newborn snake? A bouncing baby boa!

Basketball Puns

1. I asked the basketball player what his favorite tea is. He said, “Dunkin’!”
2. Why was the math book good at basketball? It had a lot of problems to solve on the court!
3. How do you know when a basketball player is well-spoken? When they can make a good pass-remark!
4. What’s a basketball’s favorite music? Hip hop, because it’s all about the bounce!
5. Basketball players are the only people who can dribble and still look neat!

Short Jokes on Basketball

1. Why did the basketball team go to the bank? To get their quarters changed!
2. What does a basketball player say when he misses? “Shoot!”
3. Why are basketball players messy eaters? They’re always dribbling.
4. What do basketball and pancakes have in common? They both need a good flip to succeed!
5. Why did the basketball player sit on the sideline and sketch? He was drawing a foul.
6. What do you call a basketball player with a burger? A dunkin’ donut!
7. Why don’t basketball players like early games? They aren’t good at catching the rebound.
8. How do basketball players stay in touch? They pass the phones!
9. What’s a basketball player’s favorite app? SnapShot!
10. Why was the basketball team so good at math? They knew how to find the range!

Top Jokes About Basketball

1. Why did the scarecrow become a basketball player? He was outstanding in his field!
2. What do you call an unbelievable story about basketball? A tall tale!
3. Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
4. What do basketball referees sing? “Let’s get physical, physical!”
5. Why did the basketball go to therapy? It was tired of being bounced around.
6. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing and the basketball team changing!
7. What do you call a basketball ghost? A dribbling phantom.
8. Why are spiders great basketball players? Because they know how to spin webs around the defense!
9. How do you stop a basketball player from charging? Unplug him!
10. What do you get when you cross a new pair of sneakers with a basketball joke? A fresh step of laughs!

Funny Basketball Jokes Stories

The Unlucky Shot

Mike was known as the unluckiest player on his team. Every time he’d shoot, the ball would somehow find a way to hit the rim, the backboard, or even the referee, but never the net. One day, during a crucial game, Mike got the ball with just seconds left on the clock. The crowd went silent, his coach held his breath, and Mike shot… and as usual, it hit the rim. But this time, it bounced back, hit him on the head, and went straight into the net. The crowd went wild, and from that day on, Mike was known as the “headshot hero.”

The Dunking Grandma

During a family reunion, Grandma Edna, who was always full of surprises, challenged the teenagers to a game of basketball. No one expected much until she took the ball, dribbled through her shocked grandkids, and performed a perfect dunk. Turns out, Edna had been a basketball champion in her youth, and she just wanted to remind everyone that age is just a number. From that day on, Grandma’s dunk became a legendary story in the family, and the basketball hoop became her throne.

The Referee’s New Glasses

In a small town league, everyone knew the referee, Bob, needed glasses but he always refused to wear them. During one particularly fast game, Bob blew his whistle and called a foul. Confused, the players looked around because no one was near the play. Bob proudly pointed at the “offender” – the team’s mascot, dancing near the sidelines. After the laughter died down, the league chipped in and bought Bob a pair of glasses. From that moment, Bob not only made better calls, but he also became the mascot’s new best friend.

The Invisible Dunk

At a high school game, the star player, Jake, was known for his incredible vertical jump. During the season’s final, with the game tied, Jake went for a spectacular dunk. As he soared towards the basket, the lights suddenly went out. In the darkness, the crowd heard the sound of the ball smashing through the hoop. When the lights came back on, Jake was still hanging from the rim, grinning. The other team couldn’t help but applaud the “invisible dunk,” a move that became the stuff of local legend.

Three-Point Wish

Little Timmy was watching a college basketball game with his father when he whispered, “I wish I could make three-pointers like them.” His father smiled and said, “Why stop at three-pointers?” At halftime, they tried shooting some hoops at a promotional event. Timmy, inspired by his dad’s encouragement, shot from the three-point line and scored multiple times, winning a prize and the admiration of the crowd. Timmy’s newfound confidence led him to join his school’s basketball team, where he became known as “Three-Point Timmy,” making his wish more than true.

Basketball Jokes for Adults

1. Why don’t basketball players ever get invited to the sophisticated parties? Because they keep shooting the breeze!
2. What do you call a basketball player who goes on a date? A slam-dunk charmer!
3. Why did the basketball player break up with the internet? There was too much dribble and not enough net!
4. What’s a basketball player’s favorite part of a romantic movie? The courtship!
5. Why did the basketball player bring string to the game? In case he needed to tie up the score!
6. How do basketball players manage their relationships? They know how to rebound!
7. What do you call a basketball player with a broken heart? A free agent!
8. Why was the basketball player always calm during his breakup? He knew how to play it cool in the final quarter!
9. Why are basketball players great lovers? They always know how to score!
10. What did the basketball say to the player? “I feel used, you only want me for my body!”

Dad Basketball Jokes

1. What do you call a basketball player who only makes appearances at the end of the game? A fourth-quarterback!
2. Why did the basketball player take early retirement? He was tired of getting bounced around!
3. What’s a dad’s favorite basketball move? The dad-joke-and-pop!
4. Why did the dad coach go to the art store before the game? To get more pastels for his playbook!
5. How do basketball players and dads fix a leaky faucet? By turning off the dribble!
6. What did the basketball dad say to his son? “If you can’t be tall, at least be a tall-teller.”
7. Why are basketball dads great at giving advice? They know how to make the right call!
8. What does a basketball-playing dad do during halftime? Tells everyone he used to “shoot a mean basket” back in his day!
9. Why did the dad refuse to play basketball with a scratched ball? He didn’t want to deal with any foul play!
10. How do basketball dads follow their favorite teams? By keeping up with the dribble-drabble!

Basketball Jokes Clean

1. Why did the basketball team go to the library? Because they wanted to improve their throws and tells!
2. What do you call a basketball team that cries after losing? A bawl club.
3. Why was the computer good at basketball? It had a great hard drive!
4. What kind of stories do basketballs tell? Tall tales of great bounces and hoops.
5. How do you teach a basketball to read? Make sure it knows its bounce-ics first!
6. Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? Because they would get called for traveling!
7. What do basketball players do when they lose their eyesight? They become referees!
8. Why was the basketball court always wet? The players kept dribbling all over it!
9. What does a basketball player do when he loses his shoes? He goes on a sock-her spree.
10. Why did the basketball player sit on the sideline and sketch? He was drawing up a new game plan!

Short Basketball Jokes for Kids

1. Why can’t you play basketball with pigs? Because they hog the ball!
2. What’s a basketball player’s favorite snack? Dunkin’ donuts!
3. How do basketball players stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans!
4. Why was the basketball player a good listener? Because he always caught the rebound!
5. What do you get when you cross a new pair of basketball sneakers with a burger? High-steaks dribbling!
6. How does a basketball player make a tissue dance? By putting a little boogie on it!
7. What do you call an insect that plays basketball? A dribble-bee!
8. Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
9. What do you call a basketball player who does his own stunts? An action packed shooter!
10. Why did the basketball go to school? To learn how to dribble before it could write!

Women’s Basketball Jokes

1. Why did the women’s basketball team bring string to every game? To tie up the score!
2. How do women’s basketball teams stay cool? They play next to their fans!
3. What do you call magical women basketball players? Hoop fairies!
4. Why was the women’s basketball game so engaging? Because it was full of basket-charms!
5. What’s a women’s basketball team’s favorite type of music? Basket-beat!
6. Why don’t secrets last long in women’s basketball? Because defense always leaks!
7. How do women basketball players stay current? They keep up with the latest scores and fouls!
8. What do you call a women’s basketball team that can play in high heels? Stiletto shooters!
9. Why are women’s basketball games so bright? Because all the players are stars!
10. What did the women’s basketball player say to the basketball? “You complete me!”

Duke Basketball Jokes

1. Why don’t Duke basketball players use phones? Because they can’t find the receiver!
2. What do you get when you cross a Duke basketball player and a groundhog? Six more weeks of bad shooting!
3. Why did the Duke basketball team go to the art class? They needed to work on their sketches of victory!
4. How does a Duke fan change a lightbulb? They don’t, they just talk about how good the old one was!
5. Why are Duke basketball games like a soap opera? Because you can miss a few and nothing really changes!
6. What do Duke basketball players and the moon have in common? They both go through phases!
7. Why did the Duke basketball player bring string to the game? To tie the score and hope for the best!
8. Why don’t Duke basketball players sink? Because they can always float on their inflated egos!
9. How do you keep a Duke player from charging? Take away their credit card!
10. What’s blue and cries a lot? A Duke basketball fan after a big game!

Knock Knock Basketball Jokes

1. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Alley.
   • Alley who?
   • Alley-oop, watch out for that dunk!
2. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Howard.
   • Howard who?
   • Howard you like to play a game of basketball?
3. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Will.
   • Will who?
   • Will you pass me the basketball?
4. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Woody.
   • Woody who?
   • Woody you help me practice my jump shot?
5. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Justin.
   • Justin who?
   • Justin time for the game, let’s go!
6. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Uriah.
   • Uriah who?
   • Uriah contender for the basketball championship this year?
7. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Oscar.
   • Oscar who?
   • Oscar for your best pass, please!
8. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Turner.
   • Turner who?
   • Turner round and let’s start the game!
9. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there?
   • Duncan.
   • Duncan who?
   • Duncan you see I’m trying to watch the basketball game?
10. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Ivan.
    • Ivan who?
    • Ivan playing basketball all day, let’s join me!

Purdue Basketball Jokes

1. Why did the Purdue basketball player bring a ladder to the game? To reach the heights of the scoreboard!
2. How can you tell if someone’s a Purdue basketball fan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you after the first shot!
3. What do Purdue basketball players and farmers have in common? They’re both outstanding in their fields, but they know how to harvest a win!
4. Why don’t Purdue basketball players do well in drama class? Because they never want to take the court!
5. Why was the Purdue basketball team invited to the party? Because they know how to throw a great block!
6. What does a Purdue basketball player do before every game? He brushes up on his basket-weaving!
7. Why do Purdue basketball fans never play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding that Boilermaker pride!
8. How do Purdue basketball players read defense? Just like their textbooks – in great detail!
9. What do you call a Purdue basketball game with many turnovers? A bakery shop!
10. Why did the Purdue basketball player sit in a kiddy pool? To practice their dribbling!

College Basketball Jokes

1. Why did the college basketball player take his homework to the game? He heard the professor would bring up a few points!
2. What do college basketball players do when they get cold? They go to the corner because it’s always 90 degrees.
3. Why are college basketball games like tests? Because you never know if you’re going to pass!
4. What do college basketball players and squirrels have in common? They both spend a lot of time dribbling around trees.
5. Why do college basketball coaches use more pencils than pens? Because their plans often change on the fly!
6. How do college basketball players stay so cool? They keep hitting the fans with three-pointers.
7. Why don’t college basketball players can’t have extra credit? Because they always shoot for three!
8. Why was the basketball court always bright at college? Because all the stars were there!
9. What’s a college basketball player’s favorite type of party? A block party!
10. Why do college basketball players like exams? Because they can shoot for an A!

Kentucky Basketball Jokes

1. How do you keep a Kentucky basketball player out of your yard? Put up a hoop and they’ll never score!
2. Why are Kentucky basketball games like ghost stories? They’re full of spirits and turnovers!
3. What do you call a Kentucky basketball player with half a brain? Gifted!
4. Why don’t Kentucky basketball players use bookmarks? Because they just dribble right past the pages.
5. How do you confuse a Kentucky basketball player? Ask them to spell “win.”
6. Why was the Kentucky basketball player such a good musician? He had perfect pitch, but his shooting was all about rhythm!
7. What do you get when you cross a Kentucky basketball player and a famous detective? A clueless dribbler.
8. Why did the Kentucky basketball team go to space? Because they needed more shooting stars.
9. What’s a Kentucky basketball player’s favorite kitchen appliance? The microwave, because they love a quick heat up!
10. Why do Kentucky basketball fans use candles? Because they keep losing their matches!

Basketball Insults Jokes

1. Why don’t basketball players have time for insults? Because they’re too busy shooting down their critics!
2. What do you call a basketball player who can’t shoot or pass? A bench warmer!
3. How do you stop a basketball player from going on a rant? Give him a time-out!
4. What’s the difference between a basketball player and a dollar? You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
5. Why was the basketball player a bad suitor? Because he could only rebound, not commit!
6. How do you know if a basketball player is bad? Even his air balls have an ego!
7. Why don’t basketball players make good workers? They only perform when the clock is running.
8. What do you call a basketball player with no fans? A solo shooter.
9. Why are bad basketball players like old browsers? They can’t handle the tabs!
10. How do you describe a basketball team that doesn’t hustle? A full court mess!

Basketball Birthday Jokes

1. What do you give a basketball player for his birthday? A shooting star!
2. Why did the basketball get a birthday party invitation? Because it was a ball everyone wanted!
3. How do basketball players sing “Happy Birthday”? By throwing in a few hoops and hollers!
4. What cake does a basketball player wish for on their birthday? A bunt cake they can dunk!
5. Why don’t basketball players like surprise parties? Because they prefer to shoot their shots seen!
6. What’s a basketball player’s favorite birthday game? Musical chairs, but everyone dribbles while they walk.
7. How does a basketball player wrap a birthday gift? With lots of tape and a free throw!
8. What do you say to a basketball player who just turned a year older? “Hope your day is nothing but net!”
9. Why was the basketball player afraid of the birthday candle? Because he didn’t want to get burned on another shot!
10. What birthday gift makes a basketball player jump for joy? New sneakers that increase his vertical!

Basketball Fat Jokes

1. Why did the basketball coach go on a diet? Because he couldn’t fit his plays into the playbook!
2. How do you play basketball with a fat player? Roll them to the basket!
3. What do you call a chubby basketball player? A double dribbler.
4. Why was the overweight basketball player a good shooter? Because he could always make the big baskets!
5. What does a fat basketball player do during halftime? Breaks the snack bar!
6. Why don’t fat basketball players need jerseys? Because they can just wear the team tent!
7. What’s a fat basketball player’s favorite part of the game? The breaks.
8. Why did the fat basketball player love rebounds? Because it meant less running and more shooting!
9. What do you call a fat basketball player trying to dribble? A full court press on his waistline.
10. How does a fat basketball player help his team win? By taking up more space on defense!

Basketball Referee Jokes

1. Why are basketball referees great at dating? They know all the right calls!
2. What do you call a basketball referee who works part-time as a carpenter? A whistle while you work!
3. Why did the basketball referee bring a pencil to the game? To draw the line!
4. How do basketball referees stay in shape? By running from the truth!
5. What do you get when you cross a basketball referee with a potato? A spud who knows how to make a call!
6. Why don’t basketball referees use phones? Because they can’t handle the calls!
7. How do you know a basketball referee is happy? When they whistle while they work!
8. What do basketball referees and weather forecasters have in common? Everyone complains about them, but they still show up to work!
9. Why did the basketball referee go to art school? To improve his framing of the shots!
10. What’s a basketball referee’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat to whistle along to!

Basketball Rizz Jokes

1. Why did the player with the best rizz not worry about missing shots? Because he always knew how to rebound with the ladies!
2. What do you call a basketball player who’s smooth with words but not with free throws? Poetically missed!
3. How does a basketball player with great rizz handle a loss? He charms the scorekeeper into giving extra points!
4. Why don’t players with high rizz need game strategies? Because they smooth talk their way through the defense!
5. What’s a basketball player’s favorite dating strategy? Dribbling his way into their hearts!
6. How does a player with great rizz celebrate a win? By scoring phone numbers as well as points!
7. What do you call a flirtatious basketball game? A match made in heaven!
8. Why did the charming player get extra playing time? Because he sweet-talked the coach!
9. What does a player with rizz bring to every game? His A-game and his “B-charming” game!
10. Why is a basketball player with rizz like a magician? Because every move is enchantingly smooth!

Basketball Christmas Jokes

1. Why did the basketball team go caroling? To spread some cheer and shoot some hoops!
2. What do you call a basketball player who waits up for Santa? A true believer in the long shot!
3. Why do basketball players love Christmas? Because they get to shoot at the basket and the mistletoe!
4. What’s a basketball’s favorite part of the Christmas dinner? The stuffing!
5. How does a basketball player make a Christmas tree tall? He gives it a few good jumps!
6. Why was the basketball under the Christmas tree? It was wrapped up in the season!
7. What gift does a basketball coach ask for Christmas? A “foul-less” holiday!
8. How do basketball players keep their hands warm at Christmas? By the heat of their three-point shots!
9. What do you call a reindeer who likes playing basketball? A “dunk”-deer!
10. Why don’t basketball players mind windy Christmas weather? They’re used to shooting baskets with air balls!

Final Thoughts

We hope you enjoyed this high-flying collection of basketball jokes tailored for every fan of the game, from the court sidelines to the festive seasons. Whether it was the clean cuts or the festive puns, each joke was crafted to bring a little more joy and laughter to your day. Share these jokes with friends and family at your next game night or basketball watch party to keep the spirits high and the laughs rolling. Remember, whether you’re shooting hoops or cracking jokes, it’s all about having fun and enjoying the moment. Keep laughing and keep playing!

What’s Next?

• Take your fun from the court to the skies. Check out our high-flying humor in jokes about airplane adventures.
• If you like the laughter with a bit of winter chill, glide over to our snowy comedy collection.
• Or dive into our aquatic amusement with our splashy and sharp underwater jests.