Cruise jokes are the perfect way to sail into a sea of laughter! Whether you’re a cruise enthusiast or just love a good chuckle, this blog post is packed with humor that’ll keep you grinning from port to starboard. You’ll find:
- Witty puns and razor-sharp one-liners to tickle your funny bone.
- Hilarious short stories that feel like real cruise adventures gone wrong.
- Jokes tailored for adults, dads, and fans of specific cruise themes like Carnival or Jungle Cruise.
Get ready to laugh so hard you’ll need a lifeboat to recover!
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One Liner Cruise Jokes
- Why did the cruise ship go to therapy? It had too many deep-sea issues!
- What’s a cruise ship’s favorite game? Deck-orate the halls!
- How do you know a cruise is fancy? The buffet has a dress code!
- Why don’t cruises ever sink? They’re too busy floating everyone’s boat!
- What do you call a cruise with no Wi-Fi? A real disconnect!
- Why was the cruise ship so cool? It had all the fans on deck!
- How do cruise ships flirt? They send out smooth waves!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite cruise? One with an open bar!
- Why did the cruise passenger bring a ladder? To take it to the next level!
- What do cruise ships do on their day off? They just drift!
Cruise Puns
- I’m totally on board with cruise vacations!
- That cruise was a shore thing for fun!
- Let’s sail away and make some waves!
- The cruise buffet was a real feast-ival!
- I’m hooked on cruising—line and sinker!
- That ship’s entertainment was off the charts!
- Cruising is my anchor of happiness!
- The captain’s jokes were a little too stern!
- I’m decked out for this cruise adventure!
- This trip’s got me feeling nau-tical!
Short Jokes on Cruise
- Why did the tomato turn red on the cruise? It saw the salad bar!
The chef just winked and said, “This buffet’s a real catch!” - What do you call a cruise magician? A wave-wand wizard!
He vanished faster than the shrimp at the buffet! - Why was the cruise band so bad? They kept playing off-key!
The singer said, “At least we’re in tune with the ocean!” - How do cruise ships stay fit? They do deck-ups!
The gym’s always empty, though—too much buffet! - Why don’t cruises get lost? The captain’s got a great sense of di-rection!
Still, he got us to the buffet in record time! - What’s a cruise ghost’s job? Scaring the deck out of passengers!
He’s best at haunting the midnight buffet! - Why did the cruise passenger wear flip-flops? To stay grounded!
He still tripped over the pool noodles! - What’s the cruise’s favorite dance? The cha-cha-splash!
Everyone’s slipping on the wet deck! - Why was the cruise so loud? The kids were all aboard!
Earplugs sold out faster than the margaritas! - What do you call a sleepy cruise passenger? A deck dreamer!
He napped through the entire limbo contest!
Top Jokes About Cruise
- Why did the cruise ship hire a comedian? The passengers needed a break from the buffet! He bombed, but the shrimp cocktails were a hit!
- What’s the worst part of a cruise? When the captain says, “We’re out of ice cream!” The kids rioted like it was a pirate mutiny!
- How do you spot a rookie cruiser? They’re the ones asking, “Where’s the elevator to the ocean?” They also packed snow boots for the Caribbean!
- Why don’t cruise ships have bad days? Because the sun’s always shining and the drinks are always flowing! Well, except when the blender breaks!
- What do you call a cruise with only accountants? A balance-sheet getaway! They still argued over who got the top bunk!
- Why was the cruise so romantic? The moonlight, the waves, and the fact that the bar ran out of singles’ mixers! Love was literally in the air!
- How do cruise ships throw parties? They crank the music and let the ocean set the rhythm! Too bad the conga line fell into the pool!
- Why did the cruise passenger bring binoculars? To spot the buffet from a mile away! He still missed the chocolate fountain!
- What’s a cruise captain’s secret talent? Steering the ship and dodging awkward passenger questions! “No, sir, we can’t detour to Narnia!”
- Why do cruises feel like magic? One minute you’re eating, the next you’re napping, and somehow your wallet’s empty! Poof—vacation mode!
Funny Cruise Jokes Stories
Stranded at the Buffet
Last week on the SS Sunshine, I saw a guy named Dave take on the buffet like it was his life’s mission. He piled his plate so high with crab legs, the table groaned. The waiter warned, “Sir, pace yourself; we’re at sea for seven days!” Dave just grinned, saying, “I’m training for the buffet Olympics!” By day three, he was waddling, his Hawaiian shirt straining at the buttons. On the final night, he tried to sneak an entire roast chicken into his suitcase. Security caught him, and Dave just shrugged, “I paid for all-inclusive!” The whole ship was laughing as he waddled off, still clutching a dinner roll.
The Karaoke Catastrophe
On a Caribbean cruise, my buddy Mike decided to “bless” the ship with his karaoke skills. He picked “Sweet Caroline” and belted it so off-key, the ship’s dolphins swam away. Halfway through, he tripped over the mic cord, yanked the speaker, and sent it crashing into the punch bowl. The crowd roared with laughter as Mike, drenched in punch, bowed like he’d planned it. The captain later joked over the intercom, “Folks, karaoke’s canceled unless you’re sober!” Mike still claims he’s the ship’s unsung hero.
The Overpacked Cruiser
My cousin Lisa went on her first cruise and packed like she was moving to Mars. She brought six suitcases for a three-day trip, including a hairdryer “in case the ship’s power fails.” At the port, her luggage caused a conveyor belt to jam, holding up boarding for an hour. Passengers were grumbling, but Lisa just waved, saying, “I’m prepared for anything!” Onboard, her cabin looked like a department store exploded. When she realized there was no room for her shoes, she tried bribing the steward with cookies. The whole crew was giggling about “Luggage Lady” by day two.
The Midnight Pizza Quest
On a late-night cruise adventure, I met Carl, a guy obsessed with the ship’s 24-hour pizzeria. At 2 a.m., he was on his fifth slice, muttering, “This is better than therapy.” When the chef said they were out of pepperoni, Carl looked like he’d lost his best friend. He rallied a group of tipsy passengers to chant, “Pepperoni or bust!” The chef, laughing, found a hidden stash just to shut them up. Carl high-fived everyone, declaring himself the “Pizza Pirate.” The next day, he was napping by the pool, a slice still in hand.
The Captain’s Bad Joke
During a cruise dinner, the captain decided to try stand-up comedy. His opening line? “Why don’t cruises sink? Because we’ve got a lot of buoyancy!” Crickets. He kept going, each joke worse than the last. By the time he said, “Our ship’s so big, it’s got its own zip code!” passengers were fake-coughing to hide their groans. A kid at my table yelled, “Stick to steering!” The captain laughed it off, but the crew teased him for days, calling him “Captain Chuckles.” He stuck to navigation after that.
The Pool Deck Disaster
On a sunny cruise day, my friend Sarah joined the pool deck’s belly-flop contest. She was confident, strutting in her neon bikini, claiming she’d “make a splash.” Her flop was epic—water shot up like a geyser, soaking the judges and knocking over a cocktail tray. The crowd lost it, cheering as Sarah surfaced, grinning despite her stinging belly. The emcee handed her a towel and said, “You win for chaos!” Sarah wore her red tummy like a badge of honor for the rest of the trip.
The Lost at Sea Selfie
My pal Tom was obsessed with getting the perfect cruise selfie. He leaned so far over the ship’s railing, phone in hand, that his sunglasses fell into the ocean. Panicked, he shouted, “My Ray-Bans are swimming!” A nearby grandma, sipping a margarita, deadpanned, “Son, the fish look better in them than you.” The deck erupted in laughter. Tom spent the rest of the cruise squinting and telling everyone, “I’m one selfie away from disaster.” He still checks eBay for those sunglasses.
The Bingo Blunder
At the ship’s bingo night, my aunt Pam got way too into it. She brought her lucky troll doll and a marker the size of a baton. When she thought she’d won, she screamed, “Bingo, baby!” and did a victory dance, knocking over her neighbor’s daiquiri. Turns out, she misheard the number. The emcee teased, “Pam, sit down before you sink us!” The whole room was in hysterics. Pam just laughed and bought everyone drinks, saying, “I’m still the bingo queen!”
The Towel Animal Takeover
On a cruise, the cabin stewards made towel animals every night—swans, monkeys, you name it. My buddy Jake got obsessed, begging the steward to teach him. By day four, Jake’s cabin was a towel zoo, with lopsided elephants and what he called a “towel T-Rex.” He invited passengers to tour his “safari,” charging a soda per entry. The steward caught wind and left a towel shark on Jake’s bed with a note: “Stop the madness!” Jake’s still proud of his towel empire.
The Shuffleboard Showdown
On the final cruise day, I watched two grandpas, Ed and Walt, turn shuffleboard into a gladiator match. Ed trash-talked, “Walt, my stick’s got your name on it!” Walt retorted, “Your aim’s older than this ship!” They shoved pucks so hard, one flew off the deck into the ocean. Passengers gathered, cheering like it was the Super Bowl. When Ed won, Walt demanded a rematch at the buffet. The crew still talks about the “Shuffleboard Saga” like it’s cruise legend.
Cruise Jokes for Adults
- Why did the cruise bartender quit? Too many passengers asked for “sex on the beach” with a straight face! He’s now mixing drinks in a monastery!
- What’s an adult-only cruise like? The hot tubs are busier than the bar, and the “midnight buffet” sounds like a code word!
- Why do couples love cruises? Nothing says romance like a tiny cabin and a fight over the last towel animal!
- How do you know it’s an adults-only cruise? The pool’s all mimosas, and the karaoke’s all dirty limericks!
- What’s the naughtiest cruise activity? Sneaking into the VIP lounge for free champagne and getting caught with a lampshade on your head!
- Why don’t adults play cruise trivia? They’re too busy arguing over who saw the “adults-only” hot tub first!
- What’s a cruise fling like? Three days of passion, two days of avoiding eye contact, and one day of hiding in the buffet!
- Why was the cruise burlesque show a hit? The dancers were great, but the passengers’ attempts to join in stole the spotlight!
- How do adults survive a cruise? With a strong liver and a stronger alibi for missing the morning yoga class!
- What’s the adult cruise motto? “What happens at sea stays at sea—unless it’s on your credit card!”
Dad Cruise Jokes
- Why did the dad bring a fanny pack on the cruise? To carry all his “essential” snacks from the buffet!
- What’s a dad’s favorite cruise activity? Telling everyone the ship’s knots are slower than his lawnmower!
- Why don’t dads dance on cruises? They’re too busy perfecting their “captain’s pose” for photos!
- How does a dad pack for a cruise? One pair of socks, 12 Hawaiian shirts, and a map he won’t read!
- What’s a dad’s cruise nightmare? When the buffet runs out of mashed potatoes before he gets seconds!
- Why did the dad love the cruise? He could nap by the pool and call it “supervising the kids”!
- What’s a dad’s cruise joke? “This ship’s so big, it’s got more decks than my toolbox!”
- Why do dads dominate cruise trivia? They’ve got 30 years of random facts and a grudge to settle!
- How does a dad flirt on a cruise? He winks and says, “I’m the captain of this dad bod!”
- What’s a dad’s cruise souvenir? A coffee mug he haggled for and will never use!
Jungle Cruise Jokes
- Why did the Jungle Cruise skipper quit? He was tired of rowing with the same old jokes!
- What’s the Jungle Cruise’s best animal? The one that doesn’t eat the passengers!
- How do you survive the Jungle Cruise? Keep your hands inside and your puns outside!
- Why was the Jungle Cruise so wild? The skipper kept yelling, “Crocodile tears won’t save you!”
- What’s the Jungle Cruise’s secret? The animals are fake, but the mosquito bites are real!
- Why don’t kids like the Jungle Cruise? Too many dad jokes from the skipper!
- How do you know the Jungle Cruise is old? The boat creaks louder than the jokes!
- What’s the Jungle Cruise’s motto? “Sail, laugh, and don’t feed the plastic hippos!”
- Why was the Jungle Cruise spooky? The skipper’s puns were scarier than the snakes!
- What do Jungle Cruise skippers dream of? A day without hearing, “Are the animals real?”
Tom Cruise Jokes
- Why did Tom Cruise join a cruise? To film Mission: Impossible – Deck Dash!
- How does Tom Cruise board a ship? By jumping off a helicopter onto the lido deck!
- What’s Tom Cruise’s cruise role? Running from the buffet to the gym in slow motion!
- Why don’t Tom Cruise’s cruises sink? His ego keeps the ship afloat!
- How does Tom Cruise flirt on a cruise? He slides into the bar like it’s Risky Business!
- What’s Tom Cruise’s cruise snack? Top Gun-ions from the buffet!
- Why was Tom Cruise on a cruise? To star in Cocktail 2: Mai Tai Mayhem!
- How does Tom Cruise relax on a cruise? By doing his own stunts in the pool!
- What’s Tom Cruise’s cruise motto? “Show me the deck, and I’ll run it!”
- Why don’t cruises hire Tom Cruise? He’d insist on piloting the ship himself!
Jungle Cruise Jokes Cross Eyed
- Why was the Jungle Cruise skipper cross-eyed? He kept staring at the fake hippo’s teeth!
- How do you spot a cross-eyed Jungle Cruise passenger? They’re waving at the wrong boat!
- What’s a cross-eyed skipper’s worst nightmare? Aiming for the dock and hitting a tiki torch!
- Why don’t cross-eyed skippers tell jokes? They can’t see the punchline coming!
- How does a cross-eyed Jungle Cruise guest navigate? By following the smell of the snack bar!
- What’s the cross-eyed skipper’s excuse? “I thought the crocodile was winking at me!”
- Why was the Jungle Cruise so blurry? The cross-eyed guide kept steering into the fog!
- How do cross-eyed passengers enjoy the Jungle Cruise? They see double the fake animals!
- What’s a cross-eyed skipper’s favorite joke? “I’ve got my eyes on the prize—both of them!”
- Why don’t cross-eyed skippers use maps? They’d see two rivers and pick the wrong one!
Carnival Cruise Jokes
- Why did the Carnival Cruise passenger overpack? They heard “all-you-can-eat” meant luggage too!
- What’s a Carnival Cruise’s best feature? The buffet line longer than the ship!
- How do you spot a Carnival cruiser? They’re wearing flip-flops and a buffet tray!
- Why was the Carnival Cruise so loud? The karaoke bar and the kids’ club were in a scream-off!
- What’s a Carnival Cruise’s secret? The real adventure is finding your cabin at 2 a.m.!
- Why don’t Carnival Cruises get boring? There’s a conga line for every occasion!
- How does a Carnival Cruise stay afloat? With all the hot air from the trivia debates!
- What’s a Carnival cruiser’s motto? “Eat, drink, and lose your room key!”
- Why was the Carnival Cruise so fun? Even the lifeboat drill had a dance party!
- How do Carnival cruisers relax? By napping in the buffet line!
Dirty Cruise Jokes
- Why was the cruise deck so dirty? Too many spilled margaritas and muddy flip-flops!
- What’s a dirty cruise’s worst job? Cleaning the hot tub after the singles’ mixer!
- How do you know a cruise is dirty? The seagulls refuse to land on it!
- Why don’t dirty cruises sink? The grime holds them together!
- What’s a dirty cruise’s buffet like? You need a shovel to find the clean plates!
- How do passengers survive a dirty cruise? By wearing socks in the shower!
- Why was the cruise ship so filthy? The crew was too busy dancing to mop!
- What’s a dirty cruise’s motto? “If it’s sticky, it’s authentic!”
- How do you clean a dirty cruise? With a fire hose and a prayer!
- Why don’t dirty cruises get complaints? Passengers are too drunk to notice!
Gay Cruise Jokes
- Why was the gay cruise so fabulous? The glitter cannon went off every hour!
- What’s a gay cruise’s best event? The rainbow-themed drag brunch!
- How do you spot a gay cruise? The dance floor’s hotter than the Caribbean sun!
- Why don’t gay cruises ever sink? The fabulous vibes keep them afloat!
- What’s a gay cruise’s secret weapon? A DJ who never stops spinning!
- How do gay cruise passengers pack? With enough sequins to blind the captain!
- Why was the gay cruise so fun? Even the lifeboats had a sparkle!
- What’s a gay cruise’s motto? “Sail with pride, dance with joy!”
- How do gay cruises stay lively? The karaoke’s all diva hits, all night!
- Why don’t gay cruises get boring? Every deck’s a runway!
Dirty Cruise Ship Jokes
- Why was the cruise ship so grimy? The crew thought “deck scrub” was a dance move!
- What’s a dirty cruise ship’s worst spot? The hot tub after taco night!
- How do you survive a dirty cruise ship? Bring your own soap and a hazmat suit!
- Why don’t dirty cruise ships get cleaned? The crew’s too busy at the buffet!
- What’s a dirty cruise ship’s buffet like? You’re dodging crumbs and seagulls!
- How do you know a cruise ship’s dirty? The towels are crunchier than the bacon!
- Why was the cruise ship so messy? The passengers thought “all-inclusive” meant littering!
- What’s a dirty cruise ship’s motto? “Embrace the chaos, ignore the stains!”
- How do you clean a dirty cruise ship? With a tidal wave and wishful thinking!
- Why don’t dirty cruise ships sink? The barnacles are holding on for dear life!
Final Thoughts on Jokes About Cruise
These cruise jokes are your ticket to a laughter-filled voyage! From puns that make you groan to stories that feel like your last vacation, we hope you’re still chuckling. Share these with your cruise buddies or save them for your next sea adventure. After all, nothing says “bon voyage” like a good belly laugh!
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