If you’re a fan of football and love a good laugh, you’re in the right place. In this post, we’ll explore the funniest football jokes, including short football jokes, puns, and even a few playful digs. Whether you’re looking for jokes to share with kids, banter for adults, or fantasy football quips, you’ll find it all here.
Let’s dive into the end zone of hilarity!
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One Liner Football Jokes
Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their quarterback.
I told my coach I’d tackle the laundry after practice. He said, “Good, your jersey’s already used to getting dirty.”
Football players don’t do ballet—they do touchdowns with flair.
I’m on a seafood diet when watching football. I see food, and I eat it.
My fantasy football team is so bad, they’re listed as an endangered species.
What’s a referee’s favorite type of music? Penalty rock.
Quarterbacks never need a GPS—they always know how to pass.
Defense wins championships, but my team can barely win rock-paper-scissors.
My coach asked if I wanted to practice. I said, “I’ll pass.”
Why don’t football players ever get lost? They always follow the playbook.
Football Puns
Football: where every Sunday is a game of inches and nachos.
That touchdown was pure puntastic perfection.
I’m just here for the halftime snacks—call me a nacho quarterback.
This football game is so intense, even my couch is sweating.
Don’t blame the kicker; he’s just toe-ing the line.
My favorite part of football season? The endless pun-ishment.
Did you hear about the football player who joined the bakery? He’s a pro at kneading dough.
Being a lineman is tough—you’re always stuck between a block and a hard place.
The only thing sharper than my game plan? My football puns.
Football fans: united by rivalry, divided by snacks.
Short Jokes on Football
Why did the football coach go to the art gallery? To learn about great draws.
The football player brought string to practice—he wanted to tie the score.
Why don’t football players get cold? They always have fans.
What’s a football’s least favorite weather? Fumbles of snow.
Why was the football field so slippery? The players kept dribbling on it.
The quarterback’s pet bird joined the team—he’s a great passer.
Why do skeletons avoid football games? They don’t have the guts.
Why did the football team bring pencils to practice? To draw up new plays.
The ref fell in love with the field—it was a match made in heaven.
Why did the football go to school? To get its degree in punting.
Top Jokes About Football
Why don’t football players ever use elevators? They take too long to get to the next level.
The wide receiver went to the doctor because he couldn’t catch a break.
My fantasy football team’s strategy? Draft snacks, not stats.
I told my team I’d help with the playbook, but they said I’d just fumble the pages.
Why did the coach sit on the roof during practice? He wanted a higher level of play.
The football player quit his job at the bakery—he couldn’t handle the turnovers.
My neighbor’s a referee. Every time I visit, he’s throwing flags at my jokes.
Football fans are like coffee—they’re strongest in the morning.
Why did the football player bring a ladder to the game? He wanted to go for the high scores.
My dog’s favorite sport is football. He’s great at fetching passes.
Funny Football Jokes Stories
The Kicker’s Catastrophe
A rookie kicker decided to impress his teammates by showing off his cooking skills. He made a big pot of chili—but added so much spice that the team’s mascot, who accidentally ate some, ended up running faster than the players. The next game, they made the chili the official pregame meal. It’s now called the “Hot Streak Special.”
Fantasy Football Fiasco
Dave joined a fantasy football league with high hopes. But after auto-drafting three kickers and a defense, he spent the whole season convincing everyone his strategy was “next-gen analytics.” When he lost in the first round, he blamed it on “data interference.”
Halloween Game Gone Wrong
During a Halloween-themed football game, the players dressed as ghosts and goblins. The quarterback’s ghost costume caused so much confusion that he accidentally threw a pass to the opposing team’s zombie. The zombie spiked the ball… and its arm fell off.
Football Jokes for Adults
Why do some football players never get married? They’re already committed to the game.
What’s a football player’s favorite drink? A Hail Mary-tini.
During halftime, the coach told the team to take a break. They misunderstood and broke the vending machine.
My team’s playbook is like my love life: complicated and full of audibles.
Why did the wide receiver bring a date to practice? He wanted to catch feelings.
Football Jokes Dirty
Why did the football player bring a bucket of water to the game? He wanted to clean up his dirty plays.
The referee got fired for calling a penalty on himself… he said he couldn’t resist touching the ball.
I told my teammate he needed to work on his end zone moves. He said, “Why? My dance is already X-rated.”
The running back got fined for “excessive celebration” after scoring. Apparently, twerking with the mascot is off-limits.
Football Insults Jokes
Your team’s so bad, even their fans are rooting for the other side.
If interceptions were a stat, your quarterback would be a Hall of Famer.
Your team’s playbook must be written in crayon, because nothing else explains these calls.
Watching your defense is like watching a revolving door… everything just goes through.
Football Fat Jokes
The lineman is so big, when he steps on the field, the scoreboard recalibrates for his weight.
Your center is so large, the huddle forms around him like a solar eclipse.
The defensive tackle is so massive, he’s listed as a zip code on the roster.
Your running back’s shadow covers the entire offensive line—and a bit of the bench.
The coach told the lineman to “lighten up”… so he switched to diet soda with his three burgers.
The offensive line is so heavy, the field’s grass has given up trying to grow.
Your team’s weigh-ins are scheduled with a construction crane operator.
The linebacker’s jersey is sponsored by a fast-food chain… and the buffet’s still mad he left.
Your team’s warm-up routine includes stretching… for their post-game meal.
The defensive tackle isn’t out of shape—he’s just saving energy for the next buffet run.
Football Halloween Jokes
Why did the ghost join the football team? He wanted to tackle his fears.
The football was haunted… every time they tried to kick it, it screamed.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite position? Wide creep-er.
Why didn’t the zombie play football? He couldn’t handle the stiff competition.
What do you call a haunted football? A spook-skin.
Why do witches make great kickers? They know how to put a spell on the ball.
The vampire’s team always wins… they have great bite in their defense.
Why did the pumpkin refuse to join the team? It didn’t want to get squashed.
How does Frankenstein celebrate a touchdown? With a monster mash in the end zone.
The werewolf scored a touchdown but got penalized… for howling at the ref. did the ghost join the football team? He wanted to tackle his fears.
The football was haunted… every time they tried to kick it, it screamed.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite position? Wide creep-er.
Football Comebacks Jokes
“Your quarterback can’t throw.” “Better than your kicker who can’t kick.”
“Your team’s got no defense.” “And your offense couldn’t score on an empty field.”
“Nice jersey. Did you get it on clearance?” “Yeah, right after we beat your team.”
“Your running back is so slow, he gets flagged for delay of game on every play.” “At least he doesn’t fumble the water bottles.”
“Your team’s offense couldn’t score in a soccer game.” “At least our fans show up!”
“Your coach calls plays like he’s ordering from a drive-thru.” “And your team’s defense serves up touchdowns like they’re on the menu.”
“Your kicker has one job and still manages to miss.” “And your punter kicks like he’s aiming for the concession stand.”
“Your team’s mascot is the real MVP. Too bad it’s the only one with moves.” “At least we don’t need a mascot to distract from our losses.”
“Your quarterback’s nickname is ‘Pick-Six Pete.’” “Better than ‘No-Throw Joe.’”
“Your team’s best play is the coin toss.” “And your team’s best player is the water boy.”
“Your defensive line looks like they’re auditioning for a mannequin challenge.” “At least they’re on the field, unlike your offense.”
Football Fantasy Jokes
My fantasy team is so bad, even my grandma wouldn’t draft them.
Drafting three kickers seemed like a good idea until the playoffs.
My fantasy team’s so unlucky, the mascot got injured before the season started.
I joined a fantasy league with my dog. Turns out he drafted better players than I did.
The best fantasy football strategy? Just close your eyes and pick—it’ll hurt less when you lose.
My team’s draft grade was “A,” but their performance is more of an “F.”
Fantasy football taught me one thing: Never trust a running back named “Slowpoke.”
Why is my fantasy team like a soap opera? Because there’s always drama and no happy endings.
My fantasy team’s mascot is a couch, because that’s where they belong.
Last year I won my fantasy league… this year, I’m drafting popcorn and hoping for entertainment.
Dad Football Jokes
Why did the football team plant a garden? They wanted to grow their fan base.
What’s a football’s favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers… they’re great for kickers.
Why was the football field so happy? It finally got a goal.
I told my kid I’d coach their team. They said, “Dad, you’re already the coach of bad jokes.”
Why don’t football players ever take naps? Because they’re afraid of getting caught offsides in their dreams.
What’s a running back’s favorite type of bread? A roll!
Final Thoughts on Jokes About Football
Football and laughter go hand in hand, whether you’re sharing a pun, cracking a one-liner, or telling a funny story. Share these jokes at your next game day party, and you’ll be the MVP of comedy. Don’t forget to check out our humor on dinner, funny about lotion, and giggles on baroque for even more laughs!
What’s Next?
- Dive into some buggy humor with these quirky moth-related puns and jokes. Check it out here.
- Got a sweet tooth for laughter? These baking jokes will have you cracking up like a dropped cookie sheet. Have a look here.
- Explore witty wordplay inspired by the Sooner State with these clever Oklahoma-themed laughs. Discover them here.
Stay tuned for more humorous takes and keep spreading the joy!
