50 Best Pimp Jokes and Puns

Get ready for a hilarious ride through the world of pimp jokes! In this post, you’ll find everything from quick puns and one-liners to full-blown funny stories about the art of pimpin’. Whether you’re in the mood for clever wordplay or a humorous take on the classic pimp persona, we’ve got it all. Brace yourself for laughs as we explore pimping and hoeing, funny pimp sayings, and more. And don’t forget to share these gems with friends—they’re too good to keep to yourself!

Pimpin’ ain’t easy, but someone’s gotta keep the velvet industry alive.
Why did the pimp go back to school? To learn how to count all his “hoes” and “zeros.”
You know you’re a pimp when your wallet has its own entourage.
How does a pimp keep his business thriving? By always keeping his pimp-hand strong and his sense of humor stronger.
A pimp walked into a bar… and bought it. That’s diversification!
Why did the pimp break up with his girlfriend? She wasn’t on his payroll.
You can’t out-pimp a pimp; they’ve already upsold you on the idea of pimpin’.
What’s a pimp’s favorite genre of music? Anything with “mo’ money, less problems.”
Pimping isn’t just a job; it’s a lifestyle with a funky wardrobe.
How does a pimp enjoy his tea? With a bit of honey on the side.

A pimp in a purple suit with a feathered hat, followed by a mini entourage of wallet and tiny pimps.

Pimp Puns

My pimp game is so strong, even my wallet has swagger.
Pimps don’t cry; they just invest in waterproof mascara.
A pimp without style is like a Cadillac without rims: it’s just not riding right.
I told my friend I’d help him “pimp his ride,” and now he thinks I’m a mechanic.
Pimpin’ is like chess—you gotta protect your Queen while making all the right moves.
When life gives a pimp lemons, he makes sure to sell them at a premium.
A pimp at a poetry slam: “Roses are red, violets are blue, my swagger’s on point, and so is my shoe.”
The only thing harder than a pimp’s game is his bling.
In the world of pimps, every day is a fashion show, and the sidewalk is their runway.
Pimpin’ ain’t dead; it’s just on vacation in a luxury suite.

A pimp-themed lemonade stand named 'Lemonade Lounge,' featuring a velvet rope and people in fancy outfits waiting in line.

Short Pimp Jokes

Why did the pimp start a gardening business? To show off his hoe-ticulture skills.
The pimp tried stand-up comedy. His punchline? “I’m here to break more than the ice, baby.”
A pimp goes to a pet store. “Got any cats with nine lives? I need a new business partner.”
Why don’t pimps ever get lost? They always follow the money.
Pimp at a job interview: “My greatest weakness? I pimp too hard.”
A pimp walked into a bank and asked for a loan. The banker said, “For what?” He replied, “I got a side hustle in charisma distribution.”
Why did the pimp open a bakery? To keep his buns fresh.
The pimp’s calendar is always full; even time needs his approval.
What’s a pimp’s favorite drink at a party? Gin and Hustle Juice.
How does a pimp do yoga? He bends over backward… for nobody.

A pimp with a gold chain doing a yoga pose in a class, while people around him look surprised and amused.

Top Jokes on Pimp

A pimp walks up to a taxi and says, “I don’t pay fares; I collect ‘em.”
At the airport, the pimp skips the line. “First-class treatment,” he says. The TSA agent laughs; the pimp laughs louder… with his first-class ticket.
A pimp was asked to give a TED Talk. His topic? “The Economics of Swag.”
In a game of Monopoly, a pimp always wins. The rent is always due, and his “Chance” cards have “Pimp Discount” written all over them.
The only thing faster than a pimp’s car is his negotiation skills at a street fare.

A pimp with a flashy suitcase and a 'First Class Only' ticket walking confidently through airport security.

Funny Pimp Stories

Once, a pimp tried his hand at selling lemonade. Business boomed. He added a velvet couch and called it the “Lemonade Lounge.” It’s still open—cash only.
A pimp went to Vegas for the first time. After hitting every jackpot, he set up his own slot machine—only accepted “good vibes” and “better bling” as currency.
At a farmers’ market, a pimp got into a heated debate about free-range chickens. “I don’t mess with no cage,” he said, “unless it’s a stage!”
The neighborhood kids asked the local pimp for career advice. He handed them a book titled, “Pimpin’ for Dummies: The Deluxe Edition.”
Once upon a time, a pimp fell in love. It lasted a whole week. True love, he said, is when your fur coat matches your partner’s hair.
There was a pimp who became a life coach. His advice? “Always dress like you’re already a success. And never let them see you sweat… unless it’s diamonds.”
At a charity auction, a pimp bid on his own gold chain. When asked why, he said, “Because no one else deserves to wear it.”
A pimp decided to take up fishing. Instead of bait, he used charisma. Rumor has it he caught a fish wearing sunglasses.
When a pimp opened a day spa, he called it “Pimpin’ & Relaxin’.” His motto? “Get pampered like a player.”
There was a pimp who tried to go vegan but couldn’t part with his leather jacket. “This coat is plant-based… if you trace it back far enough,” he claimed.

A pimp fishing with a gold chain as bait, and a fish wearing sunglasses jumping towards it.

Final Thoughts on Jokes About Pimps

Pimp jokes are a playful twist on a stereotype, turning it into a source of laughter. From clever wordplay to outrageous stories, these jokes are crafted to entertain without offending. So, the next time you need a laugh, remember these pimp jokes and share them around. Because if there’s one thing a good joke needs, it’s an audience who knows how to laugh!

What’s Next?

Check out our hilarious take that will leave you in stitches just like these pimp jokes! Top Fare Puns.
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